You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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