Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
