"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
