So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
