I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
we're so committed to being not committed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
