Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
