I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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