i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
