tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
