Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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