Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
