I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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