He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
