Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
