her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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