She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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