I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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