Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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