Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
