forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Welp...herpes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
