woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
