i just google imaged poop.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
