What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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