I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
