My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
