I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
