I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
