we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
