you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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