you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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