just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My feet surprised me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
