She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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