why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
