I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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