I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
