I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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