I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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