there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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