grandma shit on top of the toilet
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
