all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
