what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
