I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
