I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
