i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
