I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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