Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want a musical about memes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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