I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
worst night to have a conscience
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
