i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk is not a location!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
