it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
