I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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