I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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