mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize