Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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