you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
