Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Success! We fucked roommates!
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