I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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