38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
