I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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