i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
