I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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