In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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