So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
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Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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