Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
