need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
