I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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