Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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