I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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