My first STD was from a foam party
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
