And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
