Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
