Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
