She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
