He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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