The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
